Losing your mother before Mother's Day.

To those children and adults who have lost their mothers the day before Mother's Day, that is the hardest death you will contend with. No one wants to lose their mothers. Especially not before the day that celebrates our beloved Mothers - the mothers who wiped our tears from our faces when we were sad, shared our joys, our triumphs, our losses. She, our beloved mother never taught us how to cope with losing her.

We were able to cope with the losses of everything else but not her. She who birthed us, never taught us how to live without her. We always depended on her for everything from advice on relationships to helping us raise our children, but she never taught us how to handle losing her.

I lost my mother to cancer on May 12, 2012. I, freely admit, that I am a momma's girl. I loved and adored my mother. I never expected to lose her to cancer the day before Mother's Day. The pain that I felt losing her the day before Mother's Day was overwhelmingly hard. I was among family members on Mother's Day, but I wanted not to be there to celebrate Mother's Day as my mother was no longer there and everyone was smiling and happy, but for me. I was miserable. My heart ached with heartache that no child should ever bare in their lifetime.

Every Hallmark Mother's Day card commercial or seeing a happy scene with a mother of any kind to hearing a song that speaks of loss or love, pains my heart even more as the days, weeks and months and years gone by. I can barely handle listening to Oh Holy Night as that was my mother's favorite Christmas carol. Once, I was able to handle hearing it, but now, I actually had to leave the holiday bag line because of my heartache when I heard Oh Holy Night being played and then the line started to get really fast and I got backed up and started to lose control over my emotions.

I told no one on the line that I was hurting emotionally during that moment, I lied to everyone about my tears that I was crying because of the song, it was mainly because the song is . . . was my mother's favorite Christmas song. But the thing is, every time May 12th comes around, my heartache grows bigger each year as I get older, the more I need my mother by my side and I don't have her because she's gone.

People say you only have one mother. I say, treasure your mother, for one day, she might not be there anymore to give you helpful advice about love, relationships, how to handle your children or just to talk about your day. I wish that I had my mom right now as I have so much to ask of her that I never really was able to ask her before.

But losing your mother the day before Mother's Day, and celebrating that day, is never easy as your heart is crying in pain. No matter how your heart is grieving, as long as you remember the love that your mother gave you will be enough to start the healing process but the ache will remain when the sun rises.