Thursday, August 28, 2014

I present to you for your reading pleasure....

I did some rewrites of the beginning of Chapter Three of Warrior Princess. I kept the old version as I think I will probably rewrite it to fit how the story is flowing with more dialogue than scenery, probably flesh out the character more.

So here is the old version of Chapter Three.

Tarisn woke to the smell of wet grass and dirt. She raised herself up seeing that she still had hold of the sword that she had brought into the gate that it had created along with her flute case. She looked around to find herself in a strange area, nothing like the forest around her home. Her first thought was - is there enough oxygen in this planet for her to breathe in as she looked at the fauna that surrounded her. She realized that the air was cleaner and it had enough oxygen to support her. Tarisn rolled herself over to where she could stand without problems as she looked around to find no one was around, just forest. She walked away from the spot she landed at trying to figure out where exactly was she. She glanced at the sword. I hope you can lead me to whoever opened that gate or maybe I’ll wake up from this dream and find myself on the floor of my bed.

And now, I present to you the newer version of Chapter Three of Warrior Princess.

Aderyn stepped from her hut over looking the huts as a group of men and women sat around the fire. One of them was stirring the kettle over the fire, she looked up and smiled. “Morning Aderyn, come have some broth,”
“Morning Amelia,” Aderyn said, with a smile on her face. “But I cannot for I need to be elsewhere at this moment.”
“Very well, we shall keep it warm for you if you return before we start making our noon meal.” Amelia turned her attention back to the broth as the sorceress walked towards the group.
“Rhiannon, we need to go now,” Aderyn spoke as she looked at the woman.
“Why and where?” Rhiannon asked, as she stood up from the log.
“I will explain on the way,” Aderyn stated, as she looked at the bag by her feet. “Did you get what I asked you to gather?”
“Yes,”
“Good,” Aderyn replied. “Did he bother you about it?”
“No,” Rhiannon said. “He hasn't emerged from his hut since she was captured,”
“Good.”
“I don't know why you asked me to get clothes from Tatyana's hut for,” As she bent down to pick the bag of clothes up.
“You will see when we get there,” Aderyn replied. “Now, we need to hurry.”
“Hurry to where?” Rhiannon asked, as they hurried out of camp and into the woods, heading for where Rhiannon not know.

I'm thinking about blending the old version in with the new version after maybe a rewrite of the scene to flesh it out more. But what do you think of the beginning of both versions, which one suits the beginning of the chapter better? The old one or the new version?

Thanks.

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